


Hopeless Places

by alyxpoe



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: Gen, M/M, Post-Reichenbach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 00:47:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20498117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alyxpoe/pseuds/alyxpoe
Summary: The middle of the night is cruel, a never-ending cycle for me, a haunting testament to the hell of the human mind.





	Hopeless Places

The middle of the night is cruel, a never-ending cycle for me, a haunting testament to the hell of the human mind. 

Again and again I have to watch you fall. Over and over I reach out to you, I call your name... I scream your name at the top of my lungs. Again and again I watch you leave me behind. 

Each time I awake in a sweat, swearing and cursing your name. Sometimes it's just me and the windows and the bedclothes thrown asunder. My heart pounding in my throat and the thoughts that if I could have moved a little faster, been a little wiser, been just a fraction of a step closer to you... anything to keep you with me. I call out to you, and sometimes my mind confuses all of the past with the present and I hear you scream my name over the sound of bullets that were not there. It doesn't matter, because all of it is a lie anyway. 

You looked me in the eyes and told me you loved me. I watched that fire burn beneath the emerald color that I will never forget for the rest of my life. That fire that threatened to burn me; I would have easily allowed it. Anything for you. Anything but this. This pain. I don't know how long I can take it. I was there. Do you know that I never left your side? I should have been there for all of it. You hid it too well, even from me, all of your pain. Not knowing is not an excuse. 

Sometimes I'm not alone and he's there with me, he reaches out when the dreams begin and I watch the whole scene on replay. His touch makes it go away, but he is other then, other-worldly, a voice in my ear speaking my name... A voice that has never uttered yours in any manner. Even when I'm not alone, thoughts of you never leave me. Even as the dawn rises and the silky greyness of morning allows me a little sleep before it's time to start again, even then I am ashamed that I was a failure. I failed you and I have failed myself. I didn't even have the courage to follow you into the darkness, even though I promised you would never be alone. 

Why am I still here?


End file.
